So many ups and downs, my head's spinning out of control

So where to begin...?

Well, I didn't pass my background check at monticello's nuclear plant... I tried to find new work for 2-3 weeks... and nothing came up... perhaps manpower has lost faith in me, or they really don't have any new assignments that are clerical in nature... who knows... so I took the chance and decided to visit the Minnesota school of business in St. Cloud...

I met up with an admissions councilor... and went through the process... found myself signing up for classes and embarking on my new career path to get certification in Massage Therapy.

A couple days later, I meet with financial aid, and realize that despite my being 25 now, I'm still screwed for returning to school... no MN grant money, "maximum" Stanford loans (which barely cover a 3rd of the cost of school)... and needing to come up with an exorbant amount of money... I begin the search.

After a week, I quickly come to realize how fucked up my credit rating is, and how I've screwed up my parents credit rating... no loans are being approved... I'm forced to go to the school itself and take up their personal loan, of which doesn't cover all the costs of school (a little diddy they "Forgot" to tell me about, until I damn near signed the dotted line) So I must pay out a large sum of the schooling 2nd and 3rd semester... this I can handle... IF I had a job.

On the brighter side, I got an extremely part time job at gold's gym... early morning... it'll keep me going to the gym so I don't have to pay for it anymore. Add to that, I added my phone line to my families T-mobile plan, which lowers my payments to only 15 bucks...
So now I have a low level job, and my weekends are still wide open to pick up another job delivering pizza or something... This I could handle...

On the EXTREMELY dim side, the loans I was counting on stopping for the duration of school, aren't... Firstmark once again rears it's ugly head, proving to me that I have made a grave mistake in my past... my first real regret ever... the minute I can pay off that loan, wont come soon enough for me... they are a callous in my life... and only piss me off in their false benevolence. So now not only do I have to pay for most of school in a couple months, I need to keep paying almost all of my loans at the same time... I wasn't keeping up with that so well before... how to FUCK am I going to do that, going to school full time? No one's hiring me, despite calling back... despite receiving counciling from carrier services... I suppose it's Mc Donalds full time now... who the fuck needs sleep anyways?

But time to rant is over, I gotta study for a test in a couple hours Since I lose it all if I drop below a C in classes... and I've failed myself in the process... thank God I have white27shark kicking me in the ass... maybe I'll make it through this one way or another... I might actually get out of debt in 20 years... at which point my hands will be arthritic and dead... killing my massage carrier... OYE!